Is this just a scary-sounding pre-April Fools joke, or a legitimate threat? I’m hoping it’s the former, but something makes me wonder about this email from an obviously fictitious email address (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Shut down your blog.
SHUT IT DOWN NOW, YOU PATHETIC UNEMPLOYED BEGGAR!
If not, you will regret this decision as long as you live. You have 24 hours to completely remove all your stupid blog’s postings and snarky comments. (The photos we could care less about.)
Who we are, individually, is of no concern to you. Rest assured that, as a group, we hold great power – and are unafraid to use it. While we are centered in Ocean Shores, a great town that you tirelessly trash, our reach exceeds far beyond the city gates.
And if you do not immediately shut down this blog, we will take control of your Bank of America account, your various credit card accounts, even your pathetic Stephens Media 401k account.
Your credit will be so screwed, you won’t even be able to get a library card.
We will blacklist you so that no legitimate employer in Arizona will hire you. You’ll be fighting with the Mexicans for day work.
On top of that, you’ll be put on a Homeland Security Watch list, so that you’ll be strip-searched any time you try to fly.
We thought you would just blow off some steam with this blog and then disappear like a boil that’s been lanced. But you continue to disparage our mayor, our department heads, our paramedics and policemen, even our prized library.
No longer will you spread insidious half-truths and insinuations about alleged abuses at what you sneeringly call “the lie-bury.” This is where our children learn, you piece of crap! Just because an RFQ was not done the way YOU wanted it to happen, do you think we will roll over and let you ruin our most sacred institution?
That goes for your half-assed jokes about the hard-working paramedics. When you had the gall to suggest that we would replace our worn out ambulances with a “fuel-efficient limousine,” that truly was the last straw – and put a target right on the back of your skull!
And then your statement that, “The Ocean Shores Police are the best in the state – at busting senior citizen pot smokers.” Do you have any idea how many law enforcement professionals across the country you offended? Continue reading