Black (& Gold) Friday sale!

How ’bout “The Pittsburghest novel ever written” as a holiday gift for a bleeds black-and-gold Pittsburgher–including those who have moved away (but the ‘burgh never left them)? Click here to buy The Immaculate Jagoffs of Pittsburgh hard cover, paper back or ebook/Kindle on Amazon. Set during a legendary week 50 years ago, this is a fast-moving novel mixing slapstick comedy and Joycean literary allusions, soaked in the guttural vernacular of “the Burgh.” It’s the last week of 1972, goalposted by a stunning, euphoric victory (“The Immaculate Reception”) and a city-crushing loss (The Great One, Roberto). Clay, who spends far more time making jag calls to radio stations than studying, has flunked out of another college–meaning he is headed for the Vietnam War. Scan, Clay’s roommate, is also at risk: After being on thin ice for his role in an April Fools college newspaper edition, his grad paper mocking James Joyce is rejected. Within days, Clay and Scan meet the women of their dreams…but can these jagoffs stay a step ahead of the small-time mob that’s after them?

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Black (& Gold) Friday sale!

How ’bout “The Pittsburghest novel ever written” as a holiday gift for a bleeds black-and-gold Pittsburgher–including those who have moved away (but the ‘burgh never left them)? Click here to buy The Immaculate Jagoffs of Pittsburgh hard cover, paper back or ebook/Kindle on Amazon. Set during a legendary week 50 years ago, this is a fast-moving novel mixing slapstick comedy and Joycean literary allusions, soaked in the guttural vernacular of “the Burgh.” It’s the last week of 1972, goalposted by a stunning, euphoric victory (“The Immaculate Reception”) and a city-crushing loss (The Great One, Roberto). Clay, who spends far more time making jag calls to radio stations than studying, has flunked out of another college–meaning he is headed for the Vietnam War. Scan, Clay’s roommate, is also at risk: After being on thin ice for his role in an April Fools college newspaper edition, his grad paper mocking James Joyce is rejected. Within days, Clay and Scan meet the women of their dreams…but can these jagoffs stay a step ahead of the small-time mob that’s after them?

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Three ways to buy The Immaculate Jagoffs of Pittsburgh

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Remember way back when…

Remember when, instead of binging on TikTok videos, you binged on a mile-high pie at the Tic Toc Restaurant? And, rather than meeting someone online, you met them at the  Kaufmann’s clock? When, if you said “Apps,” you were talkin abaht the Penz–not your phone? The Pirates were always good, and the Steelers always stunk…until 1972. The Immaculate Jagoffs of Pittsburgh is…a burgh thing. Perhaps the Pittsburghest novel ever written, this comical tale of three young adults at a “confluence” is set during the historic last week of 1972, bookended by Pittsburgh’s greatest, most stunning victory (Franco’s Immaculate Reception)–and most crushing, shocking loss (the Great One, Roberto…).

The Immaculate Jagoffs of Pittsburgh takes place in a world made up of:

“Manteez”

Town Talk Bread commercial

Pie Traynor commercial

Bruno Sammartino

George “The Animal” Steele

Three Rivers Stadium

The Igloo

Myron

Bogut

Little Jimmy Roach

“The Sunshine Kid” Kudzma

Chilly Billy

Terminal Stare

The Gateway Clipper

Tic Toc Cafe

Kaufmann’s

And a few characters and settings that may seem familiar, such as a genial fellow in a sweater, an artsy guy “as white as Elmer’s Glue”…

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Remember way back when…

Remember when, instead of binging on TikTok videos, you binged on a mile-high pie at the Tic Toc Restaurant? And, rather than meeting someone online, you met them at the  Kaufmann’s clock? When, if you said “Apps,” you were talkin abaht the Penz–not your phone? The Pirates were always good, and the Steelers always stunk…until 1972. The Immaculate Jagoffs of Pittsburgh is…a burgh thing. Perhaps the Pittsburghest novel ever written, this comical tale of three young adults at a “confluence” is set during the historic last week of 1972, bookended by Pittsburgh’s greatest, most stunning victory (Franco’s Immaculate Reception)–and most crushing, shocking loss (the Great One, Roberto…).

The Immaculate Jagoffs of Pittsburgh takes place in a world made up of:

“Manteez”

Town Talk Bread commercial

Pie Traynor commercial

Bruno Sammartino

George “The Animal” Steele

Three Rivers Stadium

The Igloo

Myron

Bogut

Little Jimmy Roach

“The Sunshine Kid” Kudzma

Chilly Billy

Terminal Stare

The Gateway Clipper

Tic Toc Cafe

Kaufmann’s

And a few characters and settings that may seem familiar, such as a genial fellow in a sweater, an artsy guy “as white as Elmer’s Glue”…

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Remember when…

Remember when, instead of binging on TikTok videos, you binged on a mile-high pie at the Tic Toc Restaurant? And, rather than meeting someone online, you met them at the  Kaufmann’s clock? When, if you said “Apps,” you were talkin abaht the Penz–not your phone? The Pirates were always good, and the Steelers always stunk…until 1972. The Immaculate Jagoffs of Pittsburgh is…a burgh thing. Perhaps the Pittsburghest novel ever written, this comical tale of three young adults at a “confluence” is set during the historic last week of 1972, bookended by Pittsburgh’s greatest, most stunning victory (Franco’s Immaculate Reception)–and most crushing, shocking loss (the Great One, Roberto…).

The Immaculate Jagoffs of Pittsburgh takes place in a world made up of:

“Manteez”

Town Talk Bread commercial

Pie Traynor commercial

Bruno Sammartino

George “The Animal” Steele

Three Rivers Stadium

The Igloo

Myron

Bogut

Little Jimmy Roach

“The Sunshine Kid” Kudzma

Chilly Billy

Terminal Stare

The Gateway Clipper

Tic Toc Cafe

Kaufmann’s

And a few characters and settings that may seem familiar, such as a genial fellow in a sweater, an artsy guy “as white as Elmer’s Glue”…

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Where can I read this book at n at?

Great question–thanks for axing. Options, we have options!

Paperback: $14.99 on Amazon

Ebook: $9.99 on Amazon…FREE if you have Kindle Unlimited

Serialized: Get the book emailed to you, chapter by chapter, plus introductions and extras, when you select a Premium subscription at the HARK Valley newsletter

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First sentence of The Immaculate Jagoffs of Pittsburgh

They wuz loafin dahn near Gate D, Clay’s black Nova pullt over, jus bullshittin n at.

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Amazon link to The Immaculate Jagoffs of Pittsburgh

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Amazon link to The Immaculate Jagoffs of Pittsburgh

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We have liftoff….Publication Day!

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The Immaculate Reception video

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The finish line approaches!

Final revisions done…’The Immaculate Jagoffs of Pittsburgh’ novel (set during the last week of 1972) headed to Amazon…soon! WARNING: FOR PITTSBURGHERS ONLY!!!! A non-burgher tried to read a sample and said it about gave her a stroke…

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Where were you…in ’72?

Three Rivers Stadium, anyone?

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Yo, Rocky! (no, not that one …)

Tribune Review review, Sept. 16, 2015:
By Tom Scanlon

The Steelers dynasty may have found its Homer.

Unlike his famous teammates, Rocky Bleier was never an All Pro. Yet he may be a Hall of Fame storyteller, judging by the debut of Rocky the Raconteur.

The official title is “The Play: With Rocky Bleier” — and the title was the only slightly clunky thing about a polished one-man show.

Read more: http://triblive.com/aande/theaterarts/9102449-74/bleier-rocky-steelers#ixzz3pDh6Xdqi

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“Controversial” (or was it pedestrian?) story on the dangers of walking in Pittsburgh

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette essay on “R.I.P in Pittsburgh” and comments:

By Tom Scanlon

By the time you read this, I will probably be dead.

No worries, it’s completely my fault, as I engage in extremely risky behavior. I’m not a sky diver, drug taker, mountain climber, train hopper or mixed martial arts fighter, and I don’t participate in the Running of the Bulls.

My hobby is far more hazardous than all those and more, as I am a Pittsburgh pedestrian.

I know I should stop, but I can’t.

How did I start? Probably when I lived in pedestrian-friendly cities, like San Francisco and Seattle. In San Francisco, I remember walking from one end of the city — the Financial District — to the far end — the aptly-named Sunset District — pausing only for refreshments at neighborhood bars, often walking down the middle of streets. It should be noted that this was in the 1990s, before Facebook, Yahoo and hundreds of start-ups landed and took over the city, like techie Martians.

Later, I roamed up to the Northwest, to what was a sort of pedestrian Mecca; I imagine thousands of faithful walking for miles to Seattle, in order to … walk some more.

In Seattle, drivers hold crosswalks as sacred as hunters cherish the Second Amendment; instead of the Right to Bear Arms, in Starbucksville they celebrate the Right to Cross Streets.

Let’s say you are walking up Pike Street through the drizzle and are about 10 paces from a mid-block crosswalk. A Seattle driver coming ripping through the rain will brake hard, waiting for you to catch up — IN CASE you want to cross the street. And if you get to the crosswalk but have no intention to cross, waving the car on to signal you’re continuing on this side of the street, the driver will continue, but with a frown of disappointment.

Different story, here — but you know that, as you’re a Pittsburgh driver.

When you are driving and you see a pedestrian up ahead tentatively leaning into a crosswalk, you lift your right foot off the gas pedal — only to give you some momentum before stomping it down. You’re being courteous: The sound of your revving engine will serve as a warning to the walker, who, in most cases, will be me.

Being slow to react, I will leap back to the relative safety of the sidewalk (assuming it isn’t blocked by parked cars) as you speed by, screaming out your window, “Get a car, loser!”

Thinking about it, it seems to me that Pittsburgh drivers aren’t any more aggressive and unforgiving than, say, New York City drivers. But in Manhattan, herds of pedestrians cross streets; New York drivers would love to rip through crosswalks and send walkers scurrying, but they would be attacked by hundreds of angry foot soldiers.

Rather than platoons of pedestrians, here, it seems, it’s just pretty much me, an unarmed army of one ambling along in an enemy uniform (San Francisco Giants cap, Seattle flannel jacket). Perhaps the crosswalks on my South Side path should have crosshairs?

Please don’t get me wrong; I’m not advocating for Pittsburgh drivers to be more wary of and/​or courteous to pedestrians. I understand deeply in-bred cultural mores and merely think some warning signs might be wise, to protect those new to town.

At a busy intersection, when the traffic light turns green for cars and the pedestrian sign shifts from a red hand to a white man (racist/​sexist?), it might be good to add a subtitle, stating “AT YOUR OWN RISK!” Or, “IF NO CARS ARE COMING AND BE SNAPPY ABOUT IT!” Or, for a more subtle touch, a soundtrack of mocking laughter.

Better yet, so as not to disturb you hurrying drivers in the least, how about having elevated zip lines at each intersection? Pedestrians would climb up to a platform elevated a good 15 feet off the ground, then just zip over to the other side — as cars and trucks rumble by underneath.

You’re right, Pittsburgh’s probably not quite ready for that. Maybe when the Lawrencevillers start to get some political traction …

As for me, I’ll be long gone, as I have accepted my fate. On a gray, drizzly day, I’ll have a flashback to being in Seattle, come to a crosswalk and, with that Northwestern pedestrian confidence, stride across without hesitation.

I apologize in advance to the driver who, scrolling through his phone app to find the least-trafficked way home, hears a strange “THUNK” as he runs over me. After the briefest of pauses, he will shrug his shoulders and stomp on the gas pedal, muttering, “These potholes! What’s that app to report them?”

Tom Scanlon is a freelance journalist/​social services worker living on the South Side, where he is likely to meet his end (tomscanlonsblog@gmail.com).

Continue reading

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Prescott: Home of the Friendly Ghosts

No “Amityville Horror” terrorizing or “The Shining” bloodbaths in Prescott, where lodging ghosts seem more ready to charm than harm.

Daily Courier story

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Please join me in my drive to stamp out the whistling cell phone ring

Your contribution of as low as $1 and as high as infinity will help me make society a less annoying place to live.

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Please join me in my fight to outlaw “Selfies”

We must stop this, NOW, before it’s too late!

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Obama: “You CAN keep your doctor. As a friend.”

White House insider says Prez’s “you can keep your doctor under the new plan” quote was “taken out of context. He meant you can always stay on close terms with your doctor — there’s absolutely nothing in the Affordable Care Act that says you can’t be friends with your old doctor on Facebook. You can go golfing together, catch a movie — whatever! And, even if your doctor isn’t covered by your ACA plan, there’s nothing that says your doc can’t treat you on a pro bono level.”

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Happy Precedents Day! Vote on your favorite Precedent:

a) Extended Happy Hour

b) Casual Friday

c) “Twates” (Twitter Dating)

d) Medical Marijuana To Treat Colds (“Stone a Cold, Tweak a Fever”)

e) Unattended Kids Running and Screaming Through Stores

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Putin wears Pussy Riot T-shirt, but experts say “his smile is obviously fake”

Pussy Riot in turn stages protest concerts, pledging “we won’t stop playing in churches until he takes off our T-shirt!”

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Tea Party Celebrates Cold Snap!

Outdoor rallies across Midwest, claiming “extreme cold temperatures disprove — again — the Global Warming Obamamyth!” Rallies deemed a success, though dozens of Tea Partiers taken to ER’s for pneumonia and flu-like syndromes.

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Obamacare “Black Friday Specials”

Presidential announcement coming soon: “Anyone who makes a Black Friday purchase of insurance on the ACA exchange will receive, in addition to deep discounts on excellent plans, two free co-pays.” 

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Found Stuff: “My Favoritest Movies, Ever”

Found a couple creepy, hand-written lists (I’ll save the “Best Scarey Movies” for Halloween) on an empty table at Scottsdale’s Mustang Library:

My Favoritest Movies, Ever

1) The Psycho.

“The Shower Scene” has to be the sexiest, ever! This is the best Albert Hitchcock movie (except maybe “The Halloween.”) He is, truly, an ingenious.

2) My Dog Skipped.

For those who havent’ seen it, I wont’ give away the ending. But I cried like a baby when the kid died.

3) Harold & Mod.

The old lady is hilarious! I love it when she swears! Very sexy. Continue reading

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