Is this just a scary-sounding pre-April Fools joke, or a legitimate threat? I’m hoping it’s the former, but something makes me wonder about this email from an obviously fictitious email address (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Shut down your blog.
SHUT IT DOWN NOW, YOU PATHETIC UNEMPLOYED BEGGAR!
If not, you will regret this decision as long as you live. You have 24 hours to completely remove all your stupid blog’s postings and snarky comments. (The photos we could care less about.)
Who we are, individually, is of no concern to you. Rest assured that, as a group, we hold great power – and are unafraid to use it. While we are centered in Ocean Shores, a great town that you tirelessly trash, our reach exceeds far beyond the city gates.
And if you do not immediately shut down this blog, we will take control of your Bank of America account, your various credit card accounts, even your pathetic Stephens Media 401k account.
Your credit will be so screwed, you won’t even be able to get a library card.
We will blacklist you so that no legitimate employer in Arizona will hire you. You’ll be fighting with the Mexicans for day work.
On top of that, you’ll be put on a Homeland Security Watch list, so that you’ll be strip-searched any time you try to fly.
We thought you would just blow off some steam with this blog and then disappear like a boil that’s been lanced. But you continue to disparage our mayor, our department heads, our paramedics and policemen, even our prized library.
No longer will you spread insidious half-truths and insinuations about alleged abuses at what you sneeringly call “the lie-bury.” This is where our children learn, you piece of crap! Just because an RFQ was not done the way YOU wanted it to happen, do you think we will roll over and let you ruin our most sacred institution?
That goes for your half-assed jokes about the hard-working paramedics. When you had the gall to suggest that we would replace our worn out ambulances with a “fuel-efficient limousine,” that truly was the last straw – and put a target right on the back of your skull!
And then your statement that, “The Ocean Shores Police are the best in the state – at busting senior citizen pot smokers.” Do you have any idea how many law enforcement professionals across the country you offended?
We are The Committee, a group that has been the behind-the-scenes players in the creation of Ocean Shores from a literally bullshit-covered cow pasture to a multi-billion dollar tourist powerhouse. Anyone wishing to do business in Ocean Shores does so only with our express approval.
And no department head makes a decision, no mayor puts something on the agenda, no finance director proposes a tax increase before first asking us.
Do you doubt or existence and/or influence? If so, ask yourself this: Why did three consecutive mayors go from being “buddy-buddy” with you to cursing you out at virtually every behind-the-scenes meeting and publically chastising you?
True, part of it is simple: You’re a JERK.
But other jerks have been treated with patronizing patience. The mayors have dumped on you because we convinced them to do so.
Why did you not get your way and be able to stay on as “long-distance editor” of the North Coast News? Because we didn’t want it. Your moving to Arizona only speeded up the process of our pushing you out the door.
Ask Bill Crawford about it, if you don’t believe it. (Oh, that’s right, he won’t talk to you . . . because we told him not to.)
But if you think you can continue to take pot-shots at Ocean Shores from long distance, and continue to allow your bitching cronies to make fools of themselves as they run down our great city, you are very, very wrong.
If the changes we have demanded have not been made, and tomscanlonsblog.com exists in or near its current form as of midnight on April 2, your identity will be taken out with the Tuesday morning trash. To prove we are serious and have great knowledge, here is your Social Security number: 175-xx-xxxx.
It WAS my correct Social Security number; I deleted the rest, obviously.
Don’t know how they would get that, do you think this is serious or someone “pranking” me?